Survival of the Strongest Tortallan
by Treesamphetamine
Summary: Tortallans must play survivor!!!!!!!!!! Fwuahahahhaha!!!!! VOTE TO DECIDE WHICH TORTALLAN GETS TO LEAVE!!!! R+R
1. Teams

A/N Sadly, I have to rewrite this whole thing. Ick. I don't really want to. But I don't want to take it down either. If anyone would willing to convert the chapters of keyboard style to regular story format for me, please say. It would really be helpful. If you want, leave a review and I'll get back to you with what I'd like done. Thanks. If I don't have to do this, I can write more for other stories.   
  
Survivor of the Strongest Tortallan  
  
"Welcome to Survivor of the Strongest Tortallan," says the host, aka me. "In a few moments I will be pulling names out of a hat because the stupid broadcasting company is too cheat to provide us with anything fancier for teams. The contestants are:  
  
"Jonathan of Conte.  
  
"Thayet of Conte.  
  
"Alanna of Pirate's Swoop.  
  
"George of Pirate's Swoop.  
  
"From the Realms of the Dead, Roger of Conte.  
  
"Cleon of Kennan.  
  
"Keladry of Mindelan.  
  
"Nealan of Queenscove."  
  
"It's Neal, " he snapped, "Not Nealan, get it right."  
  
"Sorry.  
  
"Veralidaine Sarrasri.  
  
"Numair Salmalin.  
  
"from the Realms of the Dead, Emperor Ozorne Such-and-Such."  
  
"Hey! It's--"  
  
"Sorry, moving right along.  
  
"Owen of Jesslaw.  
  
"From the Realms of the Dead, Faithful.  
  
"Cloud.  
  
"Lord Wyldon of Cavall.  
  
"And from a life of imprisonment, Delia of Eldorne.  
  
"Everybody cheer!"  
  
"Yay," everyone says at once, very sarcastically.  
  
"Now, I will place these names in the hat and we will pull them out randomly to place on a certain team," I say as I dig around and pull out random slips of paper of out the hat. I scribble the names down.  
  
(a/n sorry, i just wanted everyone to know that I really did pull the names out of a bag. I even had   
  
my dad do it. I did NOT do it purposely. Not MY fault, alright?)  
  
"Team 1 consists of Jonathan, Owen, Faithful, Neal, Alanna, Wyldon, Delia, and Thayet!"  
  
"What?!?!?!?! I have to be on a team with her???" Jon cries as he points to Delia, who is smirking. "NOOO WAAYY!"  
  
"I'm not working with her either!" Alanna yells.  
  
Thayet is sitting next to Delia. "What's wrong with her? She looks fine to me."  
  
"Well, you would had to have been there, dear Thayet," Alanna says kindly. "She is EVIL! But, at least, Faithful is on our team." She hugs Faithful hard and Faithful begins to flails his paws, signaling his need for air.   
  
"Just don't choke me to death!" croaks Faithful.  
  
"Oh, right. I just missed you," Alanna said softly.  
  
"Why am I on the same team as my knight master?" Neal asked, longing to be moved.  
  
"I'm on the same team as my old knight master," said Alanna, matter-of-factly.  
  
"Who was your knight master, anyway?  
  
Alanna blushes. "Jon..."  
  
Jon blushes.  
  
Neal looks back and forth between the two. "Ooooooooh! I get it!  
  
I say, "Team 2 is Cleon, Ozorne, Cloud, Kel, George, Roger, Numair, and Daine!"  
  
"Why can't I be on the same team as my wife?" says the old complainer, George.  
  
Daine looks over to Kel. "Why are almost all of the evil guys and men on our team?"  
  
Kel shrugs. "I don't know. This thing is rigged. We better stick together."  
  
"At least Numair is here."  
  
"Too bad Neal isn't over here. His sarcasm could get us through anything." Kel sighs.  
  
  
  
Daine laughs. "You're right!"  
  
Roger and Ozorne high-five each other.  
  
" Evil men rock!" says Roger.  
  
"Hail the evil men!" calls Ozorne. They receive strange looks.  
  
"At least we don't have Alanna, Jonathan, or that Delia!" Roger says.  
  
"Yeah, dude..." says Ozorne.  
  
"You must now select a team leader," says the host.  
  
All of Team 1 look at Jon except Thayet and Delia who are talking about why you shouldn't wear white after the summer solstice.*  
  
"Why me?" says Jonathan.  
  
"You're the king."   
  
"But.....but.....fine."  
  
"Ozorne?" Roger says suggestively.  
  
"Yes, I think I will."  
  
"What about Numair? He has a better Gift," says Daine.  
  
"Shhh, Daine," Numair whispers.  
  
"Well, you do."  
  
Team 2 starts arguing with each other.  
  
"I'll do it!" Cleon yells.  
  
"Hear, hear!" Kell calls.  
  
"Thank the gods," whispers George.  
  
The host looks expectantly at both teams. "Team names?"  
  
"Pearl of My Heart," answers Cleon.  
  
"Noooooooooooo!!!!!!" cry Roger and Ozorne together.  
  
"Okay. Team 1?"  
  
"The Lion Pride. Don't ask me were it came from, Alanna thought it up," says Jon.  
  
"I did!" says Alanna, proud of herself.  
  
"Tomorrow you get to build your tents! No magic!" the host says.  
  
"Aww, pooey," say the contestants. 


	2. Rules and Village

A/N I own nata! No, wait! Nevermind, I thought I might own something but I was wrong. I misread   
it. Read Cinderella: Tortallan Style for my humor. Also, read Ask Alanna and Ask Neal, a lot more   
humor!  
  
  
Survivor of the Strongest Tortallan  
  
Me: Welcome back to Survivor of the Strongest Tortallan. I thought maybe instead of building the   
villages we could talk about the rules which I made up just 10 minutes ago.  
  
Roger: *hysterical* WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?! There are.......rules??  
  
Me: Yes, there has to be. There are always rules.  
  
Jonathan: *laughing at Roger*  
  
Roger: Shut up!  
  
Jonathan: Make me!  
  
Roger: I think I'll kill you!  
  
Me: There is no killing. Just war. The rules are:  
  
1. No killing of another contestant!  
  
Ozorne: Damn!  
  
2. You can only live in pre-chosen village.  
  
George: Damn! *looks at Alanna who shrugs*  
  
3. When the producers of the show tell you to do something, you do it. No questions asked.  
  
Roger: Crap!  
  
4. You will fight in war when we tell you to and how we tell you to.  
  
Ozorne: You mean, if you don't say we can fight with an army, we can't?  
  
Me: Yes.  
  
Ozorne: Damn!  
  
5. You must go to confession whenever you wish or when we tell you to and you must tell the truth at  
all times.  
  
Ozorne, Roger: Crap!  
  
6. At a certain point in the game, you will get to vote off ONE person. That is ONE person at a time.  
  
7. Any thing that we say is a rule from here on out is a rule. We still have to think of the rest.  
  
Numair: Alright, so what do we do now?  
  
Me: *grins evilly* Now you build.  
  
*After the teams are shown their land, they quickly start building.*  
  
*In Lion Pride*  
  
Alanna: *raising the canvas over the wooden sticks* Delia, help!! NOW!!  
  
Delia: No, I'll get dirty.  
  
Alanna: *muttering* You'll get dirty if you don't help.  
  
Delia: What was that?  
  
Neal: The Lioness said that if you don't help, she'll beat your face in.  
  
Alanna: Thank you, Nealan.  
  
Neal: It's NEAL, not Nealan.  
  
Alanna: Whatever you say.  
  
Jonathan: Thayet, what the hell are you doing?  
  
Thayet: *dusting the dirt from her hands* Just planting flowers for our beautiful tent. *smiles prettily*  
  
Jonathan: *to Alanna* Can I share a tent with you?  
  
*Pearl of My Heart Camp*  
  
Ozorne: Put your backs into it! *sips vodka* Daine?! Daine?! Where is that wretched girl???  
  
Daine: *unhappy* Yes, Ozone--  
  
Ozorne: Ozorne! Ozorne! Not Ozone, Ozorne!   
  
Daine: Yadda yadda.  
  
Ozorne: How dare you mock me!!!!  
  
Numair: How dare you take that tone of voice with my magelet!!!  
  
Ozorne: Traitor!  
  
Numair: Old gas!  
  
Ozorne: How dare--  
  
Numair: Ozorne, shove it in a jar!  
  
Ozorne: Make me!  
  
Numair: I will! *blasts Ozorne with his Gift*  
  
Daine: *cheering* Go Numair!  
  
Ozorne: Dorks!  
  
Cleon: *just realizing what is going on* Hey, I am the leader here. So, everyone stop fighting!  
  
Roger: Why should they listen to you?  
  
Cleon: Because I am the leader!!!  
  
Kel: So we can win!  
  
Ozorne: Fine! You're gonna get it later, Arram Draper!  
  
Numair: Whatever you say, Ozone!  
  
Ozorne: Aaaaaaccckkk!   
  
*12 hours later*  
  
Me: Are you guys done?  
  
Everyone: *looking tired* Yeah......  
  
Me: Good. Now get some sleep. War is tomorrow.  
  
*groans are heard*  
  
  
  
  
  
Review! I believe the first war is in the next chapter. I want 30 reviews total for another chapter!  
  
  
  
Thank yous:  
  
Mel: Wow! Thanks for ALL of those reviews! Here it is like I promised!  
  
SapphireFairy: Thank you.  
  
Daine Salmalin: Don't worry. I did.  
  
Luke: *hysterical laughing* *3 hours later* *finally regaining composure* LOL! I don't see why not.  
No promises. *hysterical laughing again*  
  
Queen Anjie: I will.  
  
Princess Sanidaylene: Did I spell that right? I have NEVER watched Survivor before in my entire life. So,  
I do not know who John is, but I am sorry that he was kicked out.  
  
Jweb Guru: I did. I got 17.  
  
Temptress: Thanks! That's cute: peacies. LOL!  
  
Kamprusepas Night: I guess it would. No promises.  
  
  
Thanks and review.  
  
  
Lady Nicolia of Conte. 


	3. Paintballs and Mischief

A/N I own nothing of value to you people. Which means that I do not own   
these characters, Tamora Pierce does.  
  
* = Actions  
  
[ ]= Comentary   
  
  
  
Survivor of the Strongest Tortallan  
  
  
Me: Rise and shine!  
  
Lion Pride: *groan*  
  
Pearl of my Heart: *groan*  
  
Me: Today is war!  
  
Roger, Ozorne: *perk up* We're ready!  
  
Everyone else: *groan*  
  
*30 minutes later*  
  
Me: Everybody up?  
  
All: Yes.  
  
Me: The first war is what I would like to call "Paintball Wars".  
  
Neal: What's a paintball?  
  
Owen: A jolly ball of paint?  
  
Me: All that but jolly. Everyone will get paintball gun that shoots, well, paint   
balls. Then, you will try to shoot a person on the opposite team. If you shoot   
a person and they go down, you must run after them and take them as your   
prisoner to your village and lock them up. Any questions?  
  
*Ozorne and Roger raise hands*  
  
Me: Yes?  
  
Ozorne: Can we kill anybody?  
  
Roger: Yeah, that's my question too.  
  
Me: NO killing of the contestants.  
  
Roger: Crap!  
  
Ozorne: Damn!  
  
Me: Anyone else?  
  
Daine: Yes, can we shoot the people on our own team? *gestures to Roger   
and Ozorne*  
  
Roger, Ozorne: *look up*  
  
Roger: Huh?  
  
Me: No, because then it wouldn't be fair.  
  
Delia: Do we like have to play? I might get like dirty. (A/N Don't you just love   
the valley girl?)  
  
Thayet: Do we?  
  
Me: *grins evilly* Yes.  
  
Delia: Like crap!  
  
Faithful: How do I hold the paintball gun?  
  
Cloud: Yeah.  
  
Me: Ummmmm, uhhh, I don't know. Deal with it!  
  
Me: Here are you paintball guns. *paintball guns materialize* You must plan   
an attack.  
  
*Everyone grabs paintball gun*  
  
Me: Ready? *Tortallans nod* Go!  
  
[Lion Pride heads into the forest while Pearl of My Heart stare at each other.]  
  
Ozorne: So, uhhh, did anyone understand that?  
  
George: Uhhhhhhh......  
  
Numair: Isn't it obvious? I thought you of all people, Ozorne, would understand   
the concept.  
  
Ozorne: What is the concept then, O'Genius one?  
  
Numair: Simple. We take these guns and shoot Lion Pride, but only them, and we  
take them prisoner at our camp.  
  
*Pause*  
  
Ozorne: Okay!  
  
Roger: Move out!  
  
Cleon: Hey! That's my line!  
  
Roger: Fine.  
  
Cleon: Alright, troops, move out!  
  
Kel: *to Daine* We're in for a lot of work.  
  
Daine: Yeah. We have to put up with this for who knows how long.  
  
Kel: We better stick together.  
  
[Lion Pride, Alanna settled herself in a tree, waiting for an unexpecting victim   
to walk past. Delia was nestled in a thorny bush that kept poking her while  
she did her nails. Thayet had stopped at the latrine for a #2. Jonathan hid in  
a bush and had to keep brushing the twigs out of his hair that Owen put there.  
Neal held his breath while he lay in a pond waiting for someone to appear.]  
  
George: *in the bush*  
  
*Scream is heard*  
  
*Jonathan runs out, screaming*  
  
Jonathan: *screaming* Get me away from devil boy! *Owen chases after him*  
  
George: You stole my girl!!!  
  
Jonathan: What????  
  
George: Die!!! *shoots Jonathan with paintballs*  
  
Jonathan: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! *jumps and dodges paintballs* Alanna, save me!  
  
Alanna: *jumps from tree* I'm coming, Jonny-poo!  
  
George: See?! *shoots Jonathan more*  
  
Alanna: Die, George! *shoots him with paintballs*  
  
George: *screaming* May day, may day! We've been hit! I repeat, we've been hit!  
  
Jonathan: *standing up, paintball gun in hand* I hope you're on the Crooked God's good  
side.   
  
*Alanna & Jonathan shoot George with paintballs*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The war will be continued in the next chapter. Cliffhanger!!!  
  
  
Thanks to: 


	4. More Paintballs

A/N I own nata! No, wait! Nevermind, I thought I might own something but I was wrong.   
I misread it. Read Cinderella: Tortallan Style for my humor. Also, read Ask Alanna and   
Ask Neal, a lot more humor!  
  
  
Survivor of the Strongest Tortallan  
  
Lion Pride  
Jonathan  
Alanna  
Thayet  
Delia  
Owen  
Neal  
Wyldon  
Faithful  
  
Pearl of My Heart  
Cleon  
Ozorne  
Roger  
George  
Kel  
Daine  
Cloud  
Numair  
  
  
  
Me: Welcome back to Survivor of the Strongest Tortallan. We ended right in the middle of  
the Paintball War so we'll continue it from there. Last time we saw George pelt Jonathan   
with paintballs then Alanna came and saved Jon and the two of them pelted George.  
  
*Paintball War*  
  
Ozorne walked around in the forest. He had heard something and was closing in on   
someone. He saw a familiar shade of blue and fired, yelling a war cry.  
  
Ozorne: I got you now!!!! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhaa!!!  
  
Thayet: *pulling up her pants and trying to dodge the paintballs* You pervert! Ahhhhhhhhhh!!!  
  
Ozorne: Fwuahahhahahhahahah!!! That'll teach you to never mess with Emperor Ozorne....  
..uhm......uhh.....Emperor Ozorne uhhhhh.....  
  
Thayet: *laughing* You can't remember your whole name!!!  
  
Ozorne: Can so!!!! It's umm....Emperor Ozorne.........of Carthak! Yeah! That's it!  
  
Thayet: *sarcastically* Sure it is.  
  
***Across the Bush to Someother Place***  
  
Neal is walking down a trail looking for someone from Pearl of My Heart. He trips.  
  
Neal: *screaming* Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!  
  
Wyldon: *standing up from behind a bush* (I forgot about him. LOL) Ha! You have fallen into my  
trap! *shoots Neal with pink paint*  
  
Neal: I'm on your team!  
  
Wyldon: Don't try to trick me, it won't---WHAT???? I'm on YOUR team?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Neal: Yeah......I thought you knew that.  
  
Wyldon: Not fair! *stalks off to sulk*  
  
Neal: *twisters finger near head for the 'crazy' symbol*  
  
*Somewhere else*  
  
Cleon: My pearl? There you are!  
  
Kel: Ahhhhhhhhhh! *shoots Cleon*  
  
Cleon: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!  
  
*Another random place the island*  
  
Numair: Die, Delia! *shoots Delia*  
  
Delia: My dress! How could you??? *shoots Numair like a madwomen*  
  
Numair: Ahhhhhhhh! *dives into the bush*  
  
*2 hours later*  
  
*Everyone appears at the end of the war, covered in different colors of paint*  
  
Me: How was it?  
  
Some people: Not fun.  
  
Delia: How will I ever get these stains out?  
  
Ozorne: I liked it.  
  
Thayet: Sure you did. You got to see a poor girl's panties.  
  
Ozorne: *grins evilly* Yes, I did.  
  
Me: Who one? I think we'll just reward 1 point to each team to be fair.  
  
Roger: This isn't supposed to be fair!  
  
Me: Of course it is.  
  
  
  
  
  
Thanks to all who reviewed. I'm so sorry that I haven't uploaded. I've been  
tired and I've had a lot of homework. 


	5. A Lazy Day of Rest. Yeah, right.

Own Nothing.  
  
Sorry that I haven't uploaded this story in so long. I went on vacation and had sooo much writing time so I decided to write chapters!!! Everyone cheer!!! Yeah!  
  
  
Me: We're back with Survivor of the Strongest Tortallan. We're announcing that today the Tortallans can relax any way they please. Later, vote for which Tortallan should get kicked out first!  
  
Ozorne: *grins evilly*  
  
Me: Within reason, of course.  
  
Ozorne: *sulks*  
  
Me: Have fun, Tortallies!  
  
Jon: Great. A whole day stuck with her. *gestures to Delia*  
  
George: *snickers*  
  
Jon: *glares at George*  
  
George: *sticks out tongue* (a/n childish, I know)  
  
Alanna: Stop it, both of you. *to Jon* Come on, we should go back to camp and create some battle plans.  
  
Jon: Okay.  
  
*Alanna and Jon walk away*  
  
George: *sulks*  
  
Ozorne: Hey! Anyone wanna play D-Day Frisbee?  
  
Daine: How do you play that?  
  
Ozorne: Simple. It's just like regular frisbee except that at one point in the game the frisbee explodes and so do the people within a 10 foot radius of the frisbee.  
  
Kel: They explode?  
  
Ozorne: Yeah.  
  
Roger: *jumping up and down* Yeah!!!  
  
Ozorne: Doesn't that sound fun?  
  
Daine, Kel: Not really.  
  
Neal: It's sounds barbaric.  
  
Owen: Not jolly.  
  
Cleon: I'll play.  
  
Kel: Why?  
  
Cleon: I'm bored. Unless you want to me company, Kel?  
  
Kel: *disgusted* Have fun playing D-Day Frisbee. *mumbles* Hope you get blown up.  
  
Cleon: *looks dejected* Okay. *brightens* *runs to play*  
  
*10 MINUTES LATER*  
  
Cleon: *walks back to Kel* *eyebrows singed*  
  
Daine: I wonder where Numair is?  
  
^*^CAMERA TO NUMAIR^*^  
  
Numair: *inspecting an unknown plant* Hmmmmm. *looks up* A cave. I think I'll take a closer look at it. *walks into cave* *hears rustling* What's that? *sees small creatures flying towards him* *creatures attack* *screams*  
  
(*)MAIN CAMP(*)  
  
Daine: *hears screaming* Numy? Where are you?  
  
Numair: *runs into camp* *looks scared*  
  
Daine: What happened?  
  
Numair: *shaking* It was horrible.  
  
Neal: What was it?  
  
Numair: *trambling* It was too horrid for words.  
  
Wyldon: *rolls eyes*  
  
Kel: Tell us.  
  
Numair: *takes a deep breath* I walked into this cave. It seemed normal, but I was attacked.  
  
Daine: By what?  
  
Wyldon: *snorts*  
  
Neal: *smacks Wyldon on the head*  
  
Wyldon: *slaps back*  
  
*Neal and Wyldon have a slap fight*  
  
Thayet: Like, just tell us, Numair.  
  
Numair: I was attacked by...by.....butterflies.  
  
Cleon: *snorts*  
  
Kel: *smacks him on the head*  
  
Cleon: *slaps back*  
  
*Kel and Cleon have a slap fight*  
  
Daine: Poor Numair. *hugs Numair*  
  
Numair: *sniff* *blows nose on tissue*  
  
^*^NEXT DAY^*^  
  
Me: Guess what today is!  
  
Delia: Like sleep in day?  
  
Me: No.  
  
Jon: Go home day?  
  
Me: No.  
  
Alanna: No clue at all. Tell us.  
  
Me: It's the day where the unworthy Tortallan goes home penniless.  
  
Tortallans & Carthakis: Ooooh!  
  
Me: Who should leave? Tell me what you think?  
  
Alanna: Delia, because she's evil and didn't help build the tent.  
  
Jonathan: Delia, because she's mean and horrid and she tried to get me killed.  
  
Thayet: Cloud, because she like doesn't do like anything. No like wait. Ozorne, like because he saw my like panties.  
  
Jon: *appalled*  
  
Roger: Faithful, because he foiled my plans.  
  
Neal: Wyldon, because he shot me when I was on his team.  
  
Wyldon: Wyldon, because he wants out.  
  
Delia: Alanna, because she took Jonny from me!  
  
Faithful: Daine, because she didn't tell Alanna that she saw me in the Realms of the Gods. She should have!  
  
Owen: George, because he is always sulking. He's not jolly!  
  
George: *sulks*  
  
Owen: See?  
  
Cloud: Thayet, because she wants me out.  
  
Cleon: Ozorne, because he stole my role as leader.  
  
Numair: Wyldon, because he snorted at me.  
  
Kel: Jon, because he put me on probation.  
  
Daine: Ozorne, because he tried to kill Numy.  
  
George: Jonathan, because he tried to take Alanna away from me.  
  
Ozorne: Arram, because he escaped me and commited treason against Carthak!  
  
Numair: *rolls eyes*  
  
Me: Well, the first Tortallan to leave is...........  
  
  
  
  
This is where you come in, reviewers. I need you to think of which Tortallan (or Carthaki, or animal) should be the first to leave. Here's a list of your choices.  
  
Lion Pride  
  
Jon  
Alanna  
Neal  
Wyldon  
Faithful  
Thayet  
Delia  
Owen  
  
  
Pearl of My Heart  
  
George  
Cleon  
Roger  
Ozorne  
Daine  
Kel  
Numair  
Cloud  
  
Please place your vote!  
  
  
LadyAlannaSalmalinofConte 


	6. The Duel of the Rejects

A/N Hi, I am back. As usual. You know that I can't stay away for long.   
  
Disclaimer: No own. Check back tomorrow.  
  
Survivor of the Strongest Tortallan  
  
  
Me: We're back and ready to announce the very unlucky Tortallan....or Carthaki or dead person.....that gets kicked out. The votes have been counted, shuffled, passed out, counted again, dribbled on, ripped, shredded, aaaand counted multiple times. *pauses* Soooo that's why there was a coffee stain on one of them. Oh well. Are you ready?  
  
Alanna: *takes deep breath* Yes.  
  
George: *takes deep breath and holds it* *nods*  
  
Jon: *gets down on knees* *prays* I'm ready.  
  
Neal: *prays to the God of Sarcasm* Please, God of Sarcasm, let me stay here so that I can impress Kel. Please.  
  
Cleon: *feels for eye brows* *sniff* Ready.  
  
Ozorne: *does cartwheel* Waahooo!  
  
Thayet: *applies eye shadow* Ready.  
  
George: *face turns purple*  
  
Roger: *evil cackles* Yes.  
  
Delia: *blows kiss to Ozorne* *purrs* I'm always ready. *smiles*  
  
Cloud: *neigh neigh*  
  
Faithful: *to Cloud* Ooh, shut up!  
  
Cloud: *nickers (or whatever horse say when they're mad)*  
  
Faithful: *hisses*  
  
Cloud: *nickers*  
  
Faithful: *hisses*  
  
Cloud: *nickers*  
  
Faithful: *hisses*  
  
Cloud: *nickers*  
  
Faithful: *hisses*  
  
Cloud: *nickers*  
  
Faithful: *hisses*  
  
Cloud: *nickers*  
  
Faithful: *hisses*  
  
Cloud: *nickers*  
  
Faithful: *hisses loudly*  
  
Cloud: *nickers loudly*  
  
Faithful: *hisses*  
  
Cloud: *nickers*  
  
Faithful: *hisses*  
  
Cloud: *nickers*  
  
Faithful: *hisses*  
  
Cloud: *nickers*  
  
Faithful: *hisses*  
  
Cloud: *nickers*  
  
Faithful: *hisses*  
  
Cloud: *nickers*  
  
Faithful: *hisses*  
  
Cloud: *nickers*  
  
Faithful: *hisses*  
  
Cloud: *nickers*  
  
Faithful: *hisses*  
  
Cloud: *nickers*  
  
Faithful: *hisses*  
  
Cloud: *nickers*  
  
Faithful: *hisses louder*  
  
Cloud: *nickers louder*  
  
Faithful: *hisses*  
  
Cloud: *nickers*  
  
Faithful: *hisses*  
  
Cloud: *nickers*  
  
Faithful: *hisses*  
  
Wyldon: Oh shut up!  
  
Cloud: *nickers quietly*  
  
Faithful: *hisses softly*  
  
Wyldon: *bites fingernails* I'm ready.  
  
Owen: I'm jolly ready.  
  
Daine: Yes.  
  
Numair: Yes I am ready.  
  
Kel: Yes.  
  
Me: I guess we are ready. That's good.   
  
Neal: Just get on with it.  
  
Everyone else: Yeah!  
  
Me: This was a very close poll. There was a tie with 5 votes each. It's between Delia of Eldorne and Cloud the pony.  
  
Cloud: *scowls*  
  
Delia: How could people want me out? Is it because my boobs are too big?   
  
George: You're boobs are fine. (A/N Anyone recognise that?)  
  
Alanna: GEORGE!  
  
George: What?  
  
Alanna: Nothing. *mubles* Pervert.  
  
Delia: So what happens now?  
  
Me: *grins evilly* You duel. *evil cackles* *coughs* *chokes*  
  
Jon: Is she all right?  
  
Alanna: I don't know.  
  
Wyldon: I'll save you! *does heimlich manuevre*  
  
Me: Thank you, Wyldon. I'm sorry, but now I must slap you.  
  
Wyldon: Why?  
  
Me: Because I don't like you. *slaps Wyldon hard*  
  
Wyldon: Owie.  
  
Me: Now for the duel.  
  
Cloud: *assorted horse noises*  
  
Me: How? Well, you will throw snowballs at each other and whoever gets socked the most leaves. Begin.  
  
*Delia procedes to throw snowballs at Cloud. Even with her bad aim she actually hits Cloud a few times. Cloud, on the other hand, can't even pick the snowballs up and when she picks them up in her mouth, the quickly melt*  
  
Me: Stop! *pauses for 20 minute* The first Tortallan to leave is...........CLOUD!   
  
Delia: *laughs* HA! Take that, stupid horse!  
  
*various animals run out and attack Delia. they were willed to by Daine*  
  
Delia: *screams* HELP!!!!  
  
Me: Bye Cloud.  
  
All: Bye Cloud.  
  
Cloud: *hops on boat and boat leaves* *doesn't wave back at all*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Hope you like!!!! REVIEW!!!!!   
  
  
  
  
  
L*A*D*Y*A*L*A*N*N*A*S*A*L*M*A*L*I*N*O*F*C*O*N*T*E 


	7. Contest

A/N Hey, thanks for the support in this fic. It is greatly appreciated. Honest. Anyway, I would like Horse_Hearted to know that I apologize from the depths of my hearts for the mistakes I made with the angry Cloud last chapter. I made a mistake with her angry noises. Oops. Anyway, crap, I began the sentence with anyway again. Ah, well.  
  
  
Survival of the Strongest Tortallan  
  
  
Me: Well, this is our very first chapter short of one member. Poor Cloud. *sniffs* *brightens* We have a contest today! The winner of this contest gets 1 vote deleted in the poll, if the get one, of course. To explain this better, if someone voted Daine out and she won the contest that vote is then deleted. That's the prize so I hope you'll try extra hard to win!  
  
George: Can't we get something with more value? Like a gold statue or something? Or a diamond ring to give to our loves? *looks at Alanna* *Alanna blushes*  
  
Me: NO!!!!!!!! NO!! NO, NO, NO, NO!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Wyldon: *to Neal* What's her problem?  
  
Neal: I don't know. I think she lost it.  
  
Me: Damn right I lost it! Muahahahaha!  
  
Wyldon: *to Neal* I think you're right.  
  
Jon: What's this contest? What are we supposed to do?  
  
Me: I'm glad you asked.....it will be fun! *grins evilly*   
  
Alanna: Oh no.  
  
Kel: Uh oh.  
  
Faithful: *does 1 person seonce* Josiane? Are you there? Please! Come and put me out of my misery! Me has a horrible idea and I want to die again! Are you there??? Josiane? Damn it, girl! *breaks connection* Oh well.  
  
Me: There is going to be a hula-hooping contest! Muahahahaha!  
  
Roger: YAY!!!!  
  
*Everyone stares at Roger*  
  
Roger: What?   
  
Alanna: *hysterical laughter*   
  
Roger: Shut up!  
  
Alanna: Make me!!!  
  
Roger: I will! *runs to stab Alanna with sword*  
  
Wyldon: *pushes Alanna out of the way and takes the sword in his stomach* *moans in pain*  
  
Roger: *flops to the ground*  
  
Alanna: Wyldon! You saved me!   
  
Wyldon: I had to. Roger was gonna kill you.  
  
Alanna: Why did you?  
  
Wyldon: Because............I love....you.......  
  
Alanna: Oh, you sexy beast! *kisses Wyldon passionately*  
  
Wyldon: Woooohooo! *moans in pain*  
  
George: *sulks*  
  
Jon: *shakes head*  
  
Wyldon: *dies*  
  
Alanna: *sad* He was a good man. *brightens* Jon?  
  
Jon: Yes?  
  
Alanna: *kisses Jon passionatly*  
  
Me: What the heck is going on????  
  
Thayet: Roger tried to kill Alanna and Wyldon took the sword for Alanna and died.  
  
Me: *enraged* ROGER!!! GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE!   
  
Roger: *walks over* Yes?  
  
Me: Come to the secret room.  
  
Roger: Secret room?  
  
Me: *drags Roger by his ear to Tiki hut* You will be punished for killing Wyldon.  
  
Roger: That's nice.  
  
Me: You will receive 3 votes to leave.  
  
Roger: *shocked* WHAT???????  
  
Me: That's your punishment. Now I want you to sit here and think about what you've done. *leaves*  
  
Roger: *sits down* *grabs yo-yo and plays with it*  
  
Me: *walks over to Wyldon* WAKE UP, WYLDON!!!  
  
Wyldon: *wakes up* Why did you bring me back??? I had women serving me grapes! Then I choked on one and now I'm back here! WHY????  
  
Me: SHUT UP!  
  
Wyldon: Okay.  
  
*later(  
  
Me: Hula-hooping contest!  
  
*Everyone grabs hula hoop*  
  
George: *hula hoop(hh) rolls away from him* Come back, hula hoop!  
  
Cleon: *sits in hh*  
  
Daine: *tries to figure out how to get it to stay around her hips*  
  
Ozorne: *tosses it like a frisbee*  
  
Numair: *gets the hang of hula-hooping* This is fun!   
  
Daine: Shut up, Numair.  
  
Numair: What? *watches Daine try in vain to get hh to work* Let me help.   
  
*Daine and Numair get hh going around the 2 of them* *Daine and Numair kiss*  
  
Kel: *can't work hh* Stupid stocky body! Arrrggghh!!  
  
Roger: *going really fast on hh* This is sooo easy! I can do 6 at once!  
  
Kel: *walks over to Roger* *punches him* *walks back*  
  
Jon: *has hh going around his hips* Hey, Alanna, this is actually fun! *hh stops* *trips on hh*  
  
Alanna: *magics hh to keep spinning around her hips* *helps Jon up* *hh continues to spin*  
  
Delia: *hh around neck* *wrings neck* OWIE!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Thayet: *somehow winds up inside the hh rolling down the sand of the beach* Weeeeeeeeeeeee!!!  
  
Owen: This is jolly fun. *does skip it moves*  
  
Me: eh, Owen? This is hula hoops. Not skip it.  
  
Owen: Sorry. *grabs hh*  
  
Neal: *does hand-stand while hh goes around hips* This IS fun! Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeheeeeeeee!!!  
  
Faithful: *stares at hh*  
  
Me: Stop!  
  
*Everyone stops*   
  
Me: This is tricky......Process of elimination then....Those still up to win are...Numair, Roger, and Neal.  
  
Alanna: I was doing a good job, too!  
  
Me: You were using magic.  
  
Alanna: So?  
  
Me: Roger, you can leave.   
  
Roger: NOT FAIR! It's a conspiracy!  
  
Me: Numair or Neal? Hmmmm.....*thinks* Numair, I'm sorry. You can win the next competition. Besides, no one ever wants you out.   
  
Numair: Okay.  
  
Me: Neal, you win! You get the point! The non-point, actually! Congrats!  
  
Neal: YAY! *does victory dance*  
  
Me: Next order of busines. Time to kick out a new Tortallan. Who's it gonna be? Alanna?  
  
Alanna: Roger, because he tried to kill me.  
  
Jon: Roger, because he tried to kill me and my dear Alanna.  
  
Delia: Owen because that jolly word isn't jolly. Oh crap...I said it twice in the same sentence.  
  
Thayet: Alanna, because she's taking my Jon!  
  
Neal: Wyldon, I guess because we never got along.  
  
Wyldon: Roger, because he killed me. No, wait, Me because she brought me back!  
  
Me: No voting for me.  
  
Wyldon: Damn.  
  
Faithful: Josiane because she didn't kill me to put me out of my misery.  
  
Me: Someone who's actually here, Faithful. You know the rules.  
  
Faithful: George then, because he sulks.  
  
George: *sulks*  
  
Owen: I agree!  
  
George: *sulks*  
  
Owen: Stop it! It's un-jolly-like!!! Begone! Evil minion!  
  
George: Owen because he called me an evil minion.  
  
Cleon: Roger because my rose punched him and he deserved it!  
  
Roger: Alanna because she foiled my plans! MANY TIMES TOO!  
  
Ozorne: Arram because he foiled my plans........MANY TIMES!  
  
Kel: Roger, because he's oveconfident.  
  
Roger: What's wrong with that?  
  
Daine: Faithful because he doesn't like Cloud.  
  
Faithful: That's very true.  
  
Numair: Ozorne because he keeps threatening me and it's creepy.  
  
Me: Now, YOU must vote!!!!!!!! VOTE!!!! YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO!!!!!!  
  
  
  
A/N I apologise if this story begins to get to fast for you. At the end of every chapter someone will get kicked out. I don't like doing it, but I have to. 


	8. VOTING! AGAIN!

A/N Hey I am back with the right to kick a Tortallan out! Wooooohoooooo! I got sooo many reviews!! Thank you, ppl!! Luv ya!!!!!!!!!  
  
Oh yes, the hula-hooping thing in the previous chapter belongs to Liger and Lady Queenscove.  
  
  
  
Survival of the Strongest Tortallan  
  
  
Me: I am back and guess what?  
  
All: *unenthusiastically* What?  
  
Me: A Tortallan gets to leave! That means there is one less person standing between you and victory and a really large check!  
  
Alanna: You never said there was a check!  
  
Me: I didn't? Oopsies. Well, there is. And, it's only for the LAST remaining Tortallan.  
  
George: At least we have a motive now.   
  
Me: Anyway, we have another tie!   
  
Daine: Another one?  
  
Me: Yep. Between Roger and George.  
  
George: *jaw drops* ME???? Everybody likes me!   
  
Owen: *raises hand* I don't. You're too un-jolly.  
  
George: *stunned* NOT cool!!  
  
Me: Anyway. Roger and George shall have a standing on their heads contest to see who'll win. (Thanks sooo much Akela of King's Reach! This was her idea!)   
  
Roger: *rubs hands together* This shall be easy. Muahahhahahahhahahhahahahaha!!!!!!  
  
George: *whimper*  
  
Me: All you have to do is stay standing on your head as long as you can. The one whose up the longest wins...........BEGIN!!!!!!!!!  
  
Roger: *hops on his head*  
  
George: *attempts to get on his head* *flops over*  
  
Alanna: *helps George get on his head*  
  
George: *flops over* ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!  
  
Me: You know, I would end the competition right now, but I'm rather enjoying this.  
  
Alanna: *to Jon* Roger's going to win. George can barely stay up there.  
  
Jon: Yeah, but think about it this way: No matter what happens in the competition, we're still winning.  
  
Alanna: Good point. *lightbulb*  
  
Jon: *sees lightbulb* *stares*  
  
Roger: *Continues to stand on head*  
  
George: *gets on head*  
  
Alanna: What?  
  
Jon: You have a lightbulb on your head. Excuse me? Author? Lightbulbs haven't been invented yet so could you.....?  
  
Author: Sure! *lightbulb becomes a candle*  
  
Alanna: What?  
  
Jon: You have a candle about your head.  
  
Alanna: I do? *feel the top of her head* *gets burned* OWIE!  
  
George: *flops over*  
  
Alanna: *whispers to Jon* I have an idea. No matter what, we stick together. That way we'll make it to the end. Only no one must know about it. Deal?  
  
George: *gets back up*  
  
Jon: Deal. *kisses Alanna*  
  
George: *seeing Jon kiss Alanna, he flops over*  
Me: I think it's plain who has won. Roger, you won, so you stay. George, you're outta here!  
  
George: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! I didn't even get to steal anything!  
  
All: Bye, George!  
  
George: *disbelief* You're happy to see me go? *sobs* *hops on boat* *sobs*  
  
Owen: Good, he's finally gone!  
  
Daine: Open a keg! Here's gone!  
  
*various partying*  
  
Me: Hello, people   
  
All: What?  
  
Me: Time to pick someone to leave, ya know.  
  
All: Oh.  
  
Me: So?  
  
Alanna: Roger because he.....he's escaped death too many times!  
  
Jon: Fainthful because he's of no help to us!  
  
Alanna: JON!  
  
Jon: What? He isn't! He hasn't done anything!  
  
Alanna: Good point, but still!  
  
Neal: Owen because he got more lines than me!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Wyldon: Ozorne because it was his fault that I broke my arm!!!!  
  
Ozorne: I didn't break your arm!  
  
Wyldon: But it would not have broken if I didn't have to protect the young royals from your fleets!  
  
Ozorne: Oh yeah! I remember that! You were bawling soo hard!  
  
Wyldon: *turning red* NO, I was NOT!  
  
Ozorne: Whatever, Wyld.  
  
Wyldon: *glares*  
  
Faithful: Delia because she was friend's with Josiane who killed me!  
  
Thayet: Delia because she wouldn't lend me her hot pink nail polish before the banquet 2 months ago.  
  
Delia: Alanna because she stole my Jonny!  
  
Owen: Neal because he thinks I got more lines then him! But he won the hula-hooping contest!  
  
Cleon: Kel because she hasn't been very nice to me lately.  
  
Kel: *rolls eyes*  
  
Ozorne: Daine because she can turn into any animal she likes and I can't!  
  
Daine: That's not my fault!  
  
Ozorne: So?  
  
Daine: Argh!  
  
Roger: Thayet because she is so annoying. Especially since she loves hot pink nailpolish.  
  
Thayet: That's not my fault!  
  
Neal: Actually, it is.  
  
Thayet: Whatever.  
  
Daine: Ozorne because D! All of the above!  
  
Kel: Cleon because he thinks I'm not being nice to him.  
  
Cleon: See?  
  
Numair: Whatever.  
  
Me: You have to answer.  
  
Numair: You then.  
  
Me: NUMAIR! I feed you, I clothe you and this is the thanks I get!  
  
Numair: Thanks?  
  
Me: *glares*  
  
Numair: Fine. Ummm.....Faithful. Because he's snuck up.  
  
Faithful: I am NOT!! *sticks nose in the air*  
  
Numair: Whatever.  
  
  
  
  
This is where you come in, reviewers. I need you to think of which Tortallan (or Carthaki, or animal) should be the first to leave. Here's a list of your choices.  
  
Lion Pride  
  
Jon  
Alanna  
Neal  
Wyldon  
Faithful  
Thayet  
Delia  
Owen  
  
  
Pearl of My Heart  
  
Cleon  
Ozorne  
Roger  
Daine  
Kel  
Numair  
  
Please cast your vote!  
  
  
LadyAlannaSalmalinofConte, theQueenofFluff 


	9. Riddles

A.N I feel awful! But, there was a reason for that, you see. With all the new rules on fanfiction.net I planned out waiting to see what other writers were going to do. I have decided to continue. It's seems safe so far, but I may be forced to stop writing this fic because of future problems.  
  
Disclaimer: No duh I don't own. *walks away muttering about silly ppl* I got the riddles from riddlenut.com  
  
  
Survivor  
  
Me: Welcome back all! It's been a while. After much counting, which I have just done ten minutes ago, we have a winner! I mean, a loser......hehe...Delia!  
  
Delia: ::sits, sewing:: ::squeaks:: ::falls off chair::  
  
Me: YOU HAVE BEEN CHOSEN! GO!  
  
Delia: ::squeaky voice:: Me?  
  
Me: YES YOU! NOW GO!  
  
Delia: ::squeaks and grabs sewing and runs to boat:: Bye, y'all!  
  
All: ::look at Delia strangely::  
  
Delia: What?  
  
All: ::look in other direction:: Nothing.....  
  
Me: So............::thinks:: How about we try something new?  
  
Alanna: Oh no.....  
  
Ozorne: ::yawn:: Like what?  
  
Me: Like instead of getting rid of one person at a time, how about two?  
  
All: ::pale::  
  
Me: YES! Muahahahaaa!! New rules! You must choose TWO people to leave. And we will commence to that soon. But first, you all need to exercise your brains, so we shall brain TRIVIA!!!!!! Or riddles...Whatever shows up in this deck here.   
  
Cleon: I HATE riddles.....  
  
Neal: ::laughs maniacally::  
  
Cleon: What's so funny?  
  
Neal: ::laughs maniacally::  
  
Others: ::laughs maniacally::  
  
Cleon: ::screams::  
  
Me: Alanna! You first!  
  
Alanna: Oh no...  
  
Me: A woman has 7 children, half of them are boys. How can this be possible?  
  
Alanna: Ummm.......one is a boy and a girl?  
  
Me: ::reads little card:: Hold on....ALL the children are boys, so 1/2 half are boys and so is the other half.  
  
Alanna: ::looks confused:: Whatever...  
  
Me: JON! A farmer and his hired help were carrying grain to the barn. The farmer carried one sack of grain and the hired help carried two sacks. Who carried the heavier load and why?  
  
Jon: How am I supposed to know? I'm not a farmer! I am king!  
  
Me: The farmer's load was heavier. His hired help only carried two sacks, while the farmer carries one sack, but his sack is a sack of grain. The hired help only carried 2 sacks - both empty.  
  
Jon: Well, I feel stupid....and I'm sure if George were here he'd be snickering...  
  
*TORTALL*  
  
George: ::watching Survivor:: ::snickers at Jon:: Stupid Jon....  
  
*SURVIVOR ISLAND*  
  
Me: NEAL! In the NBA, how many men are on the basketball court for each team.  
  
Neal: Well, 5 play, but I might say 6 because it's never what you expect it to be.  
  
Kel: How'd you know that 5 play?  
  
Neal: Hello? ::turns around so Kel can see the back of his shirt::  
  
Kel: I don't see anything.  
  
Neal: WHAT??? This isn't my jersey! Someone took my jersey!  
  
Me: Neal, the answer is 5.  
  
Neal: WHAT?? I SAID 5! Does that count? Please?  
  
Me: Fine.  
  
Neal: YAY!  
  
Me: Wyldon! A boy was at a carnival and went to a booth where a man said to the boy, "If I write your exact weight on this piece of paper then you have to give me $50, but if I cannot, I will pay you $50." The boy looked around and saw no scale so he agrees, thinking no matter what the carny writes he'll just say he weighs more or less. In the end the boy ended up paying the man $50. How did the man win the bet?  
  
Wyldon: ::thinking:: He cheated, so he must be punished! DIE MAN DIE!!!!!  
  
Me: ::looks at little card thing:: The man did exactly as he said he would and wrote "your exact weight" on the paper.  
  
Wyldon: ::sulks::  
  
Owen: OH NO! IT'S GEORGE THE 2ND!!!!! ::screams::  
  
Me: FAITHFUL! If you were running a race, and you passed the person in 2nd place, what place would you be in now?  
  
Faithful: First.  
  
Me: Second. You passed the guy in second only.  
  
Faithful: ::mumbles curse words::  
  
Me: THAYET!!!! Peter, Helen, and Steve are drinking coffee. Bert, Karen, and Dave are drinking soda. Using logic, is Elizabeth drinking coffee or soda?  
  
Thayet: Ummmm...tea? Liquor? VODKA!!!  
  
Me: Elizabeth is drinking coffee. The letter E appears twice in her name, as it does in the names of the others that are drinking coffee.  
  
Thayet: Nuts.  
  
Me: OWEN!!!!!! He starts and ends 2 common English words. One painfull in love, One painfull in everyday matter. Do you know what 2 words it must be?  
  
Owen: Heart Broken? Pain and Hurt?  
  
Me: Heartache and Headache.  
  
Owen: So jolly close....  
  
Me: CLEON!!!! What kind of cheese is made backwards?  
  
Cleon: Swiss.......bleu?  
  
Me: EDAM cheese (made backwards is edam)  
  
Cleon: Oh...  
  
Me: Ozorne!!! There is a common English word that is nine letters long. Each time you remove a letter from it, it still remains an English word - from nine letters right down to a single letter. What is the original word, and what are the words that it becomes after removing one letter at a time?  
  
Ozorne: Bugger off.  
  
Me: Incorrect! And, no, I will not. The base word is Startling - starting - staring - string - sting - sing - sin - in - I  
  
Me: ROGER!!! The word CANDY can be spelled using just 2 letters. Can you figure out how?  
  
Roger: I love candy! Draw a can and put an 'i' after it??  
  
Me: Nooo. The answer: C and Y  
  
Roger: Don't get it.  
  
Me: DAINE!! A man was born in 1955. He's alive and well today at age 33. How is this possible?  
  
Daine: 1955? But it's only 460 H.E.....Hmmmmm.......He's from the future!  
  
Me: He was born in the hostpital with the room number 1955. DOH!  
  
Kel: Oh...  
  
Me: KEL!! Bill bets Craig $100 that he can predict the score of the hockey game before it starts. Craig agrees, but loses the bet. Why did Craig lose the bet?  
  
Kel: Rerun?  
  
Me: Bill said the score would be 0-0 and he was right. "Before" any hockey game starts, the score is always 0-0.  
  
Kel: Well, then....  
  
Me: NUMAIR!! I cannot be felt, seen or touched; Yet I can be found in everybody; My existence is always in debate; Yet I have my own style of music. What Am I?  
  
Numair: ::confidently:: Soul.  
  
Me: ::stares and is shocked:: You're correct...Wow!  
  
Numair: ::smiles and blushes::  
  
Me: VOTE TO LEAVE NOW!!  
  
Alanna: Roger and Faithful.  
  
Jon: Roger and Thayet.  
  
Faithful: Alanna, ungrateful *beep!* and Jon, also an ungraful *beep!*  
  
Thayet: Ozorne and, I dunno, Daine.  
  
Daine: Slut!  
  
Thayet: Just because I slept with a few men before marrying Jon does not make me a slut!  
  
Jon: Thayet? You are a slut!  
  
Neal: Thayet the slut and Wyldon.  
  
Owen: Wyldon and Thayet.  
  
Wyldon: Cleon and Neal.  
  
Roger: Alanna and Jon.  
  
Ozorne: Thayet and Faithful.  
  
Daine: Thayet and Cleon.  
  
Kel: Cleon and Roger.  
  
Cleon: Kel and Faithful.  
  
Numair: ::thinks long and hard:: Roger and Ozorne.  
  
%%%%%%%  
  
I'm sorry that it wasn't very funny. But I guess its long. REVIEW!!!  
  
This is where you come in, reviewers. I need you to think of which Tortallan (or Carthaki, or animal) should be the next to leave. Here's a list of your choices.  
  
Lion Pride  
  
Jon  
Alanna  
Neal  
Wyldon  
Faithful  
Thayet  
Owen  
  
  
Pearl of My Heart  
  
Cleon  
Ozorne  
Roger  
Daine  
Kel  
Numair  
  
Please cast your vote!  
  
  
LadyAlannaSalmalinofConte, theQueenofFluff 


	10. Something

A.N I feel awful! But, there was a reason for that, you see. With all the new rules on fanfiction.net I planned out waiting to see what other writers were going to do. I have decided to continue. It's seems safe so far, but I may be forced to stop writing this fic because of future problems.  
  
Disclaimer: No duh I don't own. *walks away muttering about silly ppl*  
  
  
  
Survivor  
  
Me: Welcome back all. Anyway, I think this fic is becoming very negative because everytime we start, we kick somebody off. That can't be good for everyone's self-esteem. I'M HURTING PEOPLE! *sobs*  
  
Alanna: *pats Hosts arm* It's okay.....I guess....  
  
Me: SOOOOOOOOOO *Alanna squeaks and falls back, scared by this sudden outburst* we are going to be POSITIVE today! So, let's announce the ONE person who was not voted at ALL! NUMAIR!!  
  
Numair: *looks up* I have...t-to...l-l-leave?  
  
Ozorne: Weren't you listening?   
  
Numair: *sheepishly* No....  
  
Neal: No one voted for you, Master Numair.  
  
Numair: Really? Coolies!!!  
  
All: *raise eyebrows at 'coolies'*  
  
Me: Our first evicted one is.......ROGER! He had the most points.  
  
Roger: Me? Who would vote for me? Sweet, innocent, little ole me?  
  
Alanna: You tried to kill Jon, me, and the Queen. I don't think that counts as innocence.  
  
Roger: But, other than that, I am pretty lovable and sweet. Don't you think?  
  
All: No.  
  
Roger: *sticks nose in the air* *walks to boat* *sits down* *pouts*  
  
Owen: Who else has to leave? *while he says this, he is praying: "Not me, not me, not me, not me...."  
  
Me: FAITHFUL!!!! HAA!!!  
  
Faithful: *looks indignant* *gets angry* HOW DARE YOU NOT VOTE FOR ME! I AM THE ALL-MIGHTY FAITHFUL! *men in white suits wisk Faithful off* YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME! I'LL SUE! I'LL.....I'LL....I'LL CALL MY LAWYER! YOU'LL HEAR FROM MY LAWYER ABOUT THIS! YOU CAN COUNT ON IT!!!!!!!!!!!! *is put in crate and loader on boat, which sails away*  
  
Me: Whew! He's finally gone!  
  
Jon: Tell me about it.  
  
Daine: So.........  
  
Kel: Let's play a game!  
  
Wyldon: I don't like games.  
  
Alanna: You don't like anything.  
  
Wyldon: So???  
  
Me: *rubs temples* Please, go back to your camps. You're giving me a head ache.  
  
*All walk back to their camps, mumbling things*  
  
*LION PRIDE*  
  
Owen: Wyldon, why do you hate change?  
  
Alanna: Yes, Wyldon, answer that question for us.  
  
Wyldon: It all started long ago.........*waits for flash back fade* AHEM! It all started long ago...AHEM!  
  
Special Effects Guy: *curses severely* Sorry, Will.   
  
Wyldon: Wyldon.  
  
Special Effects Guy: Whatever. Anyway, the computer isn't working so not flash backs.  
  
Wyldon: NOT FAIR!  
  
Special Effects Guy: You're just going to have to them the way your ancestors did. Change is bad, remember, Will?  
  
Wyldon: It's Wyldon.  
  
Special Effects Guy: Whatever.  
  
Wyldon: *clear throat* *thinks* It's a long story, you know.  
  
Thayet: We don't care. Just tell.  
  
Wyldon: *ignores Thayet* To make a long story short, my father used to swat me when I talked about change.  
  
Others: *look at each other, then at Wyldon like he's crazy or something*  
  
Wyldon: It's the truth!!  
  
*Pearl of My Heart*  
  
Kel: For the last time, I will not go out with you! I've already told you hundreds of times!! *listens to whom she's talking to* No. No, don't give me that look. It makes me feel horrible...*tears well up in eyes* Fine...  
  
Ozorne: Yay! *kisses Kel passionately*  
  
Kel: *shoves him away* ICK!!! *stops* *kisses Ozorne*  
  
Cleon: EWWWW!!  
  
Others: EWWWWWW!  
  
Daine: KEL! I thought I told you how evil he is! He wears mascara for Mithros's sake!  
  
Numair: *looks at Daine*  
  
Daine: What?  
  
Numair: *pouts*  
  
Daine: No.  
  
Numair: *does The Lip*  
  
Daine: Fine.  
  
*Daine and Numair kiss*  
  
*And kiss*  
  
*and kiss*  
  
*LATER*  
  
Me: Sadly, it's time to kick out two people. Go.  
  
Jon: Wyldon and Ozorne.  
  
Alanna: Ozorne and Neal.  
  
Neal: Cleon and Thayet.  
  
Wyldon: Alanna and Neal.  
  
Thayet: Alanna and Jon.  
  
Owen: Thayet and Wyldon.  
  
Cleon: Kel and Neal.  
  
Ozorne: Daine and Numair.  
  
Daine: Ozorne and Kel.  
  
Kel: Daine and Thayet.  
  
Numair: Ozorne and Kel.  
  
%%%%%%%  
  
I'm sorry that it wasn't very funny. But I guess its long. REVIEW!!!  
  
This is where you come in, reviewers. I need you to think of which Tortallan (or Carthaki, or animal) should be the next to leave. Here's a list of your choices.  
  
Lion Pride  
  
Jon  
Alanna  
Neal  
Wyldon  
Thayet  
Owen  
  
  
Pearl of My Heart  
  
Cleon  
Ozorne  
Daine  
Kel  
Numair  
  
Please cast your vote! Only 11 are left!  
  
Queen of Fluff 


	11. Two is Left

A.N I feel awful! But, there was a reason for that, you see. With all the new rules on fanfiction.net I planned out waiting to see what other writers were going to do. I have decided to continue. It's seems safe so far, but I may be forced to stop writing this fic because of future problems.  
  
Disclaimer: No duh I don't own. *walks away muttering about silly ppl*  
  
  
  
Survivor  
  
Me: Welcome back all. Anyway, I think this fic is becoming very negative because everytime we start, we kick somebody off. That can't be good for everyone's self-esteem. I'M HURTING PEOPLE! *sobs*  
  
Jon: *hug* We still love you.  
  
Me: *hugs back* *feels better* Okay, so like we did before we're going to announce who was not voted for at all by any of the participants!!! OWEN!! YAY!!!  
  
Owen: COOOL!!!! *dances*  
  
Me: We going to be evicting is two different ways today because it is Eviction Day. The first way is by participants of the Survivor show and the other is by viewers! We had a strange little thing happen with this first contest. We had one person who got the most votes to be evicted and we have a 3-way tie for the other one, soooo we're getting rid of 4 people right now!! They are: OZORNE!!  
  
Ozorne: NOOOOOO!!! *drops into deep black pit* *screams*  
  
Me: KEL!!!!!  
  
Kel: WHAT?????? *strange swooping bird comes and carries her off* NOT HEIGHTS!! *screams*  
  
Me: THAYET!!!!!  
  
Thayet: OH NO! I smeared my lipstick! *gets carried off by a robot* *tries in vain to fix her lipstick*  
  
Me: AAAAND NEAL!!!!!  
  
Neal: WHAT??? *falls into space capsule and is carried away*  
  
Me: Next round of evicting! From the viewers! Oh no!! Another tie!!! Tied for first out are Wyldon!!  
  
Wyldon: *screams and disolves*  
  
Me: CLEON!!!  
  
Cleon: *shrieks and melts*  
  
Me: AND OWEN!!  
  
Owen: *screams, turns to stone, turns to ash and blows away*  
  
Me: Tied for second are: DAINE!!  
  
Daine: *screams and turns into a plant only to be eaten by a deer*  
  
Me: And ALANNA!!!  
  
Alanna: *screams and turns into an ice cube then melts*  
  
Jon: ALANNA!!! *sobs*  
  
Numair: DAINE!!!! *sobs*  
  
Me: Such pitiful broken down men. Well, you guys can continue to cry for your girlfriends while I announce the events that are to take place in the next chapter. *official voice* Your next vote is the most important vote that you can place. This vote decides the winner. Now, vote: King Jonathan of Conte or Master Numair Salmalin.  
  
  
%%%%%%%  
  
  
This is it. There is one more chapter and then the winner is decided. This vote is the most important one you can make. Remember that. Here's a list of your choices.  
  
Lion Pride  
Jon  
  
  
Pearl of My Heart  
Numair  
  
Please cast your vote! Only 2 are left!  
  
Queen of Fluff 


	12. Finale

A.N This is the end! *sob* I don't know if any of you saw it but I did end Tortallan Big Brother. I would like to apologize about the fact that many of my new fics will not be Tamora Pierce. I am thinking about Harry Potter and stuff right now and my next project has already been started. It's about Oliver Wood, which is why is TBB he got some lines...  
  
Disclaimer: No duh I don't own. *walks away muttering about silly ppl*  
  
  
  
Survivor  
  
Me: This is it! The moment that we all have been waiting for!   
  
Numair: What's that?  
  
Me: The winner! The winner!  
  
Numair: No, the thing on your shirt.  
  
Me: *looks down* *there's a spider* AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!! MAKE IT GO AWAY!!!!!!! *screams and runs around*  
  
Jon: That's pitiful.  
  
Numair: It's pitiful and pathetic.  
  
Jon: *nods* Yup.  
  
Me: *gets one of the camera men to remove the spider* *glares at Jon and Numair* You didn't help me.  
  
Numair: *looks up* I don't know what you're talking about.  
  
Jon: *stares at the ground*  
  
Me: Anyway, this is the VERY last episode and I would just like to say congratulations to both of you on staying on here sooo long!  
  
Jon: Thanks.  
  
Me: Now, this is it. The moment we have all been waiting for. We are now going to announce this year's Prom Queen!!  
  
Jon & Numair: *cross fingers*  
  
Me: NUMAIR! YOU WIN!!!! YAY!   
  
Numair: Me?? Omg!! *runs up*  
  
Me: *put tiara on Numair's head and gives him a bouquet of flowers*  
  
Numair: Yay!  
  
Jon: *walks up* *pushes Numair and steals Tiara*  
  
Numair: *drops flowers*   
  
*Numair and Jon have a scratch fight (Like the one in the Hot Chick)*  
  
*confetti falls*  
  
Me: Darn confetti's late....Anyway, thanks for watching! Good night! *walks off*  
  
*Jon and Numair are still fighting*  
  
  
  
*****  
  
  
YAY!! It's over!   
Queen of Fluff 


End file.
